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Crackers Blog

It isn't funny if you have to explain it

WARNING: Quinoa Crack is not sweet. It is not even particularly "delicious." It has a "good" flavor only in the sense that there isn't anything about it to dislike. In the same way plain pop-corn can have a "good" flavor.

Quinoa Crack only has the flavor of its only ingredient -- whole-grain quinoa -- and you just can't squeeze chocolate from a head of lettuce.  Quinoa has a very "subtle" nut/seed flavor that is almost impossible to appreciate until you realize that quinoa's humility in the gustatory spotlight is why it flatters all other foods with which it shares a tongue.

I think of quinoa on a plate like the bassist in a band. Have you ever tried to listen to a very, very long bass-guitar solo? You have to either be a bassist yourself or really drunk to enjoy it. (I honestly like raw, plain quinoa, but I don't expect you to.) The bassist is not normally meant to carry the melody but to carry those who carry the melody.  A good bassist can carry the whole band and make everyone dance -- even if the singer and the kazoo player are tone-deaf and "experimental."

It never fails: when I have someone try Quinoa Crack, they're like "You should add chocolate."   Huh???  I'm like "Why should I add the chocolate? How should I know how much chocolate you want with it at any given moment? Why don't YOU add the chocolate?"  (Indeed, I like to mix Quinoa Crack with a well-known chocolate-hazelnut spread; sublime crunchy-silky delight)

They just give me a blank stare as if to say, "What planet are you on? Don't you know consumers are spoiled and lazy? Don't you know important decisions like how much chocolate you want in your cereal were long ago delegated to corporate computer algorythms? We consumers don't make those decisions. Our brains are numb from all the sugar."

What we've got here, folks, is just a plain, wholesome, rythm-section cereal. Simple. Healthy. Crunchy. Good. Pleading to be topped with whatever you want; and later in turn to top where it can.  Quinoa Crackheads are going to take control of what they eat, without sacrificing pleasure, convenience or laughter.  Maybe for health reasons. Maybe just for a little bit of dignity.

That's right. Plain. Wonderfully plain and pure. Plain, wholesome cereal with cartoon characters.